I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles

I am 64 years old.  I have never been outside of the United States.  I am now in Frankfurt Germany.  I don't know what people are saying.  I can't read any of the labels.  I am in a temporary apartment attempting to keep things clean until the residents return at which time I am told I will be in another temporary apartment.  I have only German television.  I cannot access wireless in this apartment so have to plug in my computer to get the internet.  I could continue to drone on and on and on . . . but I will just scream - - -

"WHERE ARE MY BUBBLES?"

As I was packing I decided it was really foolish to bring bubbles with me because clearly they are available everywhere.  Or I can make them out of soap and water, right?  

Sure, but I clearly forgot that even if I find the soap - 

where is the wand for breathing - ooops! I mean blowing?

Needless to say I have had some challenging moments - hours - days - since I left Lexington, Kentucky on December 6th (only 20 days ago!).   This past week I spent some time with the missionaries (Elder & Sister Peery) I will be replacing.    Ahhhhh....  the clearly sensed my anxiety (after all they are psychologists and one is in addition a clinical social worker!) and they began telling me positive stories about some of the young missionaries they have served.   This one is my favorite:

A young sister missionary was feeling pretty discouraged.  Sister Peery asked her to think of some things that made her smile.  Among other ideas the missionary said she liked to blow bubbles.  So they came up with a plan:   why not just blow bubbles?  Hmmmm.....  Simple, right?

So the young sister bought bubbles.  They made her happy.  So she and her companion decided to share the joy.  They got lots of bubbles and on a sidewalk in town put up a whiteboard and printed in big letters:

"...MEN (AND WOMEN) ARE THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE JOY."  2 NEPHI 2:25  WE CAN TELL YOU HOW!

And people stopped - not just to blow bubbles but to ask questions about finding joy.  Children and adults of all ages stopped - and there were bubbles and there was talking and there was laughter and there was joy!

This may not sound like much of a miracle to you, but it was a miracle to me.  Not necessarily the bubble experience of the young sister missionaries - but certainly that one of the first stories I heard when I got to Germany was a story about blowing bubbles!

Remember this You Tube video I shared  last year?  Here it is again - - - you have to listen to the music while you watch everyone finding joy - peace - comfort - laughter while blowing bubbles!

http://thelevityinstitute.com/2012/01/bubbles-of-joy-the-levity-projects-new-micro-movement/

Miracles, Miracles

Ahhhhh - the miracles!  the miracles!  Some might not consider them miracles because most of these experiences are not huge but I see them as miracles:  tender reminders that my Heavenly Father knows me and loves me and will watch over me and my loved ones while I am in His service.

As the day to leave on my mission neared, I was experiencing the highest of highs and lowest of lows when it came to my emotions.  My thoughts raced:

I need the right clothing.  I have to get shots?  Germany - really? Mental health - really? . . . anxiety began kicking in!  Not enough time to do it all:  need a new birth certificate?  Passport? I need to clean the house and sort and move and sell and toss and go to goodwill how many times?  I don't have the right Luggage?  How much is my monthly rent going to be - are you sure?  Oh no, where will I get the money?  I still need shoes - and scarves - and money for Utah - and what about Bridgette Rae?  No one will love her like I do! . . . and on and on and on - - - STOP!
The final straw was the day the money didn't come on the day it was expected: my social security check came three days late in November.  I cried and prayed questioning if God really wanted me to do this why were these things happening.

And the miracles began:

*I went to lunch with a friend who insisted on treating me to lunch as well as my vaccinations!  How could I say no to an offer like that?  

*We went back to her home where she was busy sorting through boxes of clothes that had been left with her.  Her job was find a home for these clothes.  I found skirts, scarves, tops many that had never been worn before. 

*My daughter-in-law recently lost lots of weight and gave me some of her cardigans - they matched the skirts!  A couple of the skirts need hemming.  

*Temple trips with my visiting teachers and another dear friend.

*My sisters Pat, Sally, Kathy  continued to offer support in the form of phone calls, money, loving words on facebook... a commitment to help however possible!   I met my sister Sally in Louisville and we talked for an entire day.

*Sweet cards from people - $20, $10, $100, and so forth.  Every dollar given was equally important and equally appreciated.  

*What a surprise - I met a friend from Illinois in Louisville to go to the Temple before I left and when she got out of her car she carried her Bernina sewing machine to hem my skirts.  

*We stayed overnight and went to church in Louisville.  I was surprised to see friends who had moved away visiting their son's family in the same church that day.  After church, they asked to speak with me.  They said they wanted to serve a mission but due to aging parents were unable to do so at this time.  They had been praying about how to best serve and had been inspired to help someone else serve.  They then offered to help me pay for this mission - the amount far more than I expected but definitely what I need to meet my obligations while serving.

*An open house (church friends) was wonderful.  On the way home I noticed an envelope in my purse.  It was a little bulky and the note on it said not to open until December 1st.  When I opened it the amount of money that fell out took my breath away because it was what I needed to pay for my Utah and travel expenses (the part not covered by the church) and enough extra to buy a few things I wanted to buy but had planned to do without.

*And so many more miracles that I haven't mentioned...

And in the midst of all the miracles there were the wonderful experiences with friends:  open houses, wonderful lunches, a luncheon (think chatterbox girls), a family Sunday . . . An on the last Saturday, a new home for Bridgette Rae as she was adopted by my granddaughter and her family.

And I stopped... really stopped... and remembered the words on this picture posted by a friend on her blog:  JUST Breathe - and I did!


I just breathed and as I did so I inhaled all of the Love offered and in my prayers I exhaled only gratitude to God for placing remarkable friends and family members in my life who listened to His promptings.  And my needs were met by Him through them.




President Spencer W. Kimball who was Prophet and President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints wrote the following words in December 1974:  "I have learned that it is by serving that we learn how to serve. When we are engaged in the service of our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves. In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus, that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves."

Cleaning the church = a miracle

In a weekly letter, Elder Will Hjorth (serving in the Guatamala Guatamala City East Mission) shared the following experience:

We have this family who finally passed the line from "you and your church" to "us and our church".

You want to know what did the trick?

Cleaning the church.

Let me explain.  This family has been going through a really tough time.  They are both without work and they have two small boys.  They've gone to sleep a few times without knowing if they were going to have something to eat the next day.

So since they haven't had anything better to do, I asked them if they would help us clean the church and then we could all eat spaghetti together.  So we invited our recent converts.  (They are so freaking amazing)  We cleaned the chapel and we ate and everything was all fine and dandy.

Later that night Mario told us:  "This situation has been very hard for me.  I've never gone so long without a job.  Sometimes I just sit down and I'm mad, sad, stressed and hungry.  But today, I was in church cleaning bat poop off the walls, and I was happy.  And I was happy all day.  This must come from God."

Two months ago this man probably wouldn't even have set a foot in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  But God is Amazing, and there was Mario, washing poop off of the the walls of the true church of God and SMILING.

I believe in Miracles.

Are you ready and willing for a miracle?  

Am I?

Elder Hjorth - I believe in miracles, too.  Thanks for reminding me! 

Comfort, protection, warmth, light - and so much more

John 14:16-17

And I will pray to the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever; Even the spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

I have been asked to speak at a baptism of an 8-year-old boy named Michael who I taught in Primary for a few months this past summer.  I was asked to speak about the Gift of Holy Ghost which is given by the laying on of hands following his baptism.  He is also confirmed a member of the church at that time.  In the process, I found this picture and it touched my heart and brought me to my blog about mission miracles.

My enthusiasm when I said "yes" was probably a little overwhelming to his father.  Here's why it meant so much to be to be asked to speak:

*I love Michael.  I love his family.  I am so grateful to be asked to be a part of this special day.

*I have been studying Preach My Gospel Lesson 3 which discusses the the first principles and ordinances of the gospel.  Over a week ago I began studying with some depth about the Holy Ghost.   I have studied and taught the scriptures for many years.  But I have learned so much about the purpose and nature of the Holy Ghost.  Almost everything I learn feels brand new!  (Don't worry, I won't share all of this in my 3-5 minute talk at the baptism).

*I picked up the Ensign for October to finish reading some of the articles I had missed and as I turned the page to the next article, it was entitled:  "The Sacred Roles of the Holy Ghost."  You can check out the entire article at this link:

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2014/10/the-sacred-roles-of-the-holy-ghost?lang=eng

*I have felt lost and alone off and on for months now.  I know I'm not lost and I know I'm not alone.  After studying the scriptures and words of the prophets and then reading this article I have some peace with my current circumstances.  But as I thought of Michael and how I could share my feelings about the Holy Ghost, I remembered some of the things I love the most about him:

1.  Michael wasn't an attention seeker in class.
2. He answered questions in class when called upon or he would raise his hand when the question was for the entire class.
3.  When it was time to share something that had happened the week before, he would think for awhile and then might or might not share something depending on what had happened the previous week.  He made the decision to share or not to share thoughtfully.
4.  Michael is soft spoken.  When he spoke in class the other children in the class would say "shhhhh.  Michael has something to say." And then we would all carefully listen to his soft words.

As I reviewed these particular qualities they are not unlike how the Holy Ghost works in my life. Think about it - I'm not going to explain.  I am pretty different than Michael:  I am attention seeking, I would answer every question in class if I could get away with it, I always have something to share about my week (usually lots and lots of somethings), and I don't think most people would describe me as soft spoken.  They might say "shhh...Janice might quit talking if we listen to her for a minute" but it probably wouldn't work.

Hmmm..... thank goodness I love diversity and find joy in our differences, huh?  We aren't all the same, but we can certainly learn from each other.  And I believe I learned some things from Michael that have helped me understand the nature, purpose, roles, qualities of the Holy Ghost.

The Holy Ghost can be a protector, comforter, teacher, revelator, sanctifier (see the article link above)... a light in a dark world, warmth ... I saw the following posted on Facebook this morning.   

In 2 Corinthians and Ephesians Paul speaks of the spirit of the Lord's earnest.  While studying this idea I found the following int he Bible Dictionary:  the Lord gives us His Holy Spirit in this life as a foretaste of the joy of eternal life.

Doctrine & Covenants 88:33 I am reminded:  For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?

He Loves You Today

Monday September 29, 2014

I watch #WomensMeeting while doing double exercises with Jane Fonda (silenced but on my iPad). I particularly enjoyed Sister Neill Marriott and felt challenged to memorize "The Living Christ" as she said she was doing so as a Christmas gift to Jesus.  I want to do this too.  

I receive an e-mail from my daughter-in-law (Kelsee) with links for clothes for my mission.  I get out all of my clothes, look at the links, sort, order, measure.  I need to lose at least 20 pounds around my stomach to be able to fit in the clothes that I REALLY want to take with me. And even then I don't think that I will look like the examples of sister missionaries pictured as suggestions for "how to dress".   (Hence the double exercising with Jane mentioned above.)

Another e-mail - this time from my new bank which will go with me on my mission.  Good.  I changed the social security direct deposit.  I added payment information for various accounts.  I worked on a budget as if miraculously the change of bank would change the reality that there is only so much money available. 

Oh, and then there is the health insurance.  I set up online access to Aetna Senior Missionary insurance and Deseret Mutual Benefits or something.  I need to send my information for the monthly premium.  No form - where is the form?  I'll never lose weight.  I need to memorize that document. 

Just breathe.  Really, just breathe.  Get out the bubbles... breathe.

And so it goes...  my personal constant reminder that I will never be good enough . . . as I fall asleep I think of Sister Marriott and her words I heard that morning.  

Tuesday September 30, 2014

I check on the accomplishments of Sister Marriott in an attempt to further torture myself due to my supposed inadequacies:

Sister Neill F. Marriott was called as second counselor in the Young Women General Presidency in April 2013. She was born and raised in Alexandria, Louisiana, USA. She attended Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, USA, where she earned a degree in English along with a teaching certificate. At the age of 22, she was converted and baptized into the Church in Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. One year later she married David C. Marriott in the Salt Lake Temple. They are the parents of 11 children and 26 grandchildren.  

Note to self:  she is wearing appropriate missionary attire - I have none.  And even if I get it it won't look the same on me.

Ugh - need I say more.  I check the Missionary Portal to see when I report on my mission (like I don't know that it is 69 days) and wonder again how I will complete the numerous tasks I have assigned myself in an attempt to reach perfection by that time.

10:00 a.m. same morning - this is today

I didn't get up until 9:00 a.m. today

I am already exhausted so I decide to waste some time on Facebook to avoid my lists 

They serve as written proof of what I know to be true - I can't possible be ready in 69 days.

I see that my daughter-in-law (always on top of things) has posted this and I remember:

I don't need to be told to breathe, I don't need to blow bubbles

It doesn't matter that I report in 69 days and have not yet reached perfection

These words by Elder Uchtdorf spoken at the same #WomensMeeting 

Remind me of what really matters the most

12 Noon Today - Same Day

Meeting a friend for lunch at Windy Corner - Sigh!  

Enjoy this Life Journey now.   

Enough said.

http://www.mormon.org/values/missionary-work

https://www.lds.org/bc/content/ldsorg/callings/missionary/senior-missionary/senior-missionary-opportunities.pdf

64 BC Dissension & intrigue / in 2014 AD dra·ma = most dangerous circumstances

I was reading in Alma 53 on this beautiful morning.  I sort of wade through these "war" chapters possibly because a few chapters back I was learning about the plan of salvation - the atonement - mercy not robbing justice - you know, deep stuff!

So I'm reading without thinking too much about the words and I even chuckle a little as I come to verse and read ""9  And thus because of iniquity amongst themselves, yea, because of dissensions and intrigue among themselves they were placed in the most dangerous circumstances."     But then I quit chuckling and begin to liken this unto myself... and those around me... and our times.  We live in a world that can be dangerous: terrorists, natural disasters, thieves, robbers, etc. etc. etc. Of course!  It is a Telestial World after all.  But why then are we placing ourselves in dangerous circumstances because of "dissension and intrigue" that is of our own making?  The following word immediately came to mind (definition 2, of course):

dra·ma

ˈdrämə/

noun

2. 2.

   an exciting, emotional, or unexpected series of events or set of circumstances.

   "a hostage drama"

   synonyms:

   incident, scene, spectacle, crisis;

3. Example in a sentence:  
4. he or she liked to create a drama

   incident, scene, spectacle, crisis; excitement, thrill, sensation; disturbance, commotion, turmoil; dramatics, theatrics

Those of you who have known me for any period of time will probably understand why this idea intrigues me.  I may have created drama in my day - - I may still create drama at times (I humbly admit).  And sometimes the drama includes dissension and even intrigue.  

Some of the things that matter most . . . sisterhood, "journals", testimony

I can't remember the last time I just stopped and thought about some of the things that matter most to me.  This past month I have taken the time to sift through years of memories in the form of pictures, letters and other keepsakes.  I have filed away marriage and death certificates.  I have scanned pictures, pictures, pictures to be stored somewhere in cyber space.  I have gathered family history stories from various places and saved them to my on-line family history records.  I have been busy, busy, busy doing these things.  I have cried and laughed and been astonished at how things have changed.  When I get up in the morning I am already planning what I will be sorting, scanning and organizing that day.  

Yesterday, the 13th anniversary of the bombing of the twin towers, I watched memorials and words of tribute.  I remembered the feelings of that day and the words and the emotions and the patriotism that followed.  And I was reminded about some of the things that matter most . . . at least to me.  Here are a few:

 Sisterhood:  

My mother, Mildred Brakey Hensley, left the Rocky Mountains to move to Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana, and Kentucky again never to return to live in the West.  If my memories are correct she kept a picture of the Rocky Mountains in our home always.  She was always homesick more for the mountains than the people I sometimes thought.  

Mom had five daughters but was often sad as she remembered her only sister dying at the age of eight in a tragic accident.  

When my sister Pat and I were sorting through some of her things a year or so ago Pat found the note and the check below.  I'm pretty sure my mom didn't take a trip west in 1964.  And clearly she never cashed this check from a sweet friend at church.  But she saved it and we found it after she died.  

Mildred  in 1942 in Colorado with 3 frineds
She is 3rd from the left 

1.  I have four biological sisters:  count MY blessings!

2.  I cannot count the number of sisters in the gospel that I have acquired over the 53 years I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - eight states, at least 16 different wards, and oh so many relief societies.

3.  And of course the "sisters" in my life who are not biological or church sisters but sisters - JUST BECAUSE we were and are blessed to share brief periods of life on this earth together.  

Sisterhood = love, laughter, tears, silliness, joy, service, compassion, fun, celebrating the differences in each of us!

"Journals":

I am a staunch believer in writing things down.  This is not the forum for all of the reasons why I feel this way.  However, in 1972, Roger and I lived in Provo, Utah where he was attending Brigham Young University.  We lived in Wymount Terrace, married student housing.  Our relief society featured a sister each week by having her husband write about her.    

Roger wrote this about me.  Would be life be different if he had not done so?  Probably not.  But oh the tears, laughter, sorrow and joy I feel each time I look at it are, as they say in the commercial, PRICELESS.  

Janice, Tanya, Roger and our window decorations in 1972
while living in Wymount Terrace in Provo Utah
We decorated our windows for just about everything!

Journaling = memory keeping, sharing, loving, laughing, crying, creating, in words or pictures, letters, notes, calendars, connecting the past, present, future in a remarkable way.

My Testimony

I found my life story, written on "Treasures of Truth" paper, as I recorded it in 1977.  I have no memory of writing this testimony and am not certain if I have read through it since I wrote it until I found it again the other day. The song I quoted at the beginning replays in my mind on the first Sunday of each month as I enter church for Fast and Testimony meeting.  I don't know who wrote the song but I do remember it from the 1960's and also remember singing it in the Corbin Ward with Sharon Maguet and Tanya (my daughter).  They have both died and I can imagine them singing it together in their remarkable voices right now!

Testimony = Everything spiritual or temporal that REALLY matters to me in this life!

I Know Who I Am - - - Elder C says PRAYER IS THE KEY TO MIRACLES - - - Elder H learns through prayer PLEASE DO WHAT YOUR TOLD - - - Everyday mission miracles

My mission calling is to serve as a Mental Health Adviser in the Europe Area.  I am learning more about this mission every day.  It seems that I will be working with full time missionaries (along with their leaders) who are dealing with mental health issues.  This is overwhelming to me.  When I saw this video yesterday the spirit touched me and I received confirmation that Heavenly Father trusts me to do this work.  These youth represented, for just a few minutes, all of those that I will come to know and love during my service.  

For awhile I've been trying to come up with something to post on this Mission Miracles blog. No matter what I wrote, it didn't seem right.  After watching this video, saw some pictures of a friend's son who has been on his mission for a little over a year.  Such joy shining in those eyes.  With his permission she shared his message below the picture and with their permission I want to share it as I contemplate Mission Miracles!

This Saturday we had ltos of things planned to make up for all the bad days we had throughout the week.  So we went to knock on the door of a lady we contacted a while back.  Her son answered the door and said she was good and didn't want to talk with us.  So, we won't be going back there anymore.  As we were walking to her house earlier we passed a lady sitting on the steps and continued on to knock on the other lady's door.  We walked by her and just said hey.  After our refection at the other house by the lady's son, we both remembered the lady we said hey and we both had the feeling that we should have stopped and talked with her.  But, we hadn't, so we went back and there happened to be her mom there with her on the steps this time.  We conversed with them and two other girls that showed up to join in the conversation.  This lasted about an hour and a half, I think.  She was a super awesome lady, and asked questions as though she was prepared to be an investigator in the MTC to practice with.  She asked all the questions we have answers to, and said so many things that we converse about and help.  So with all, and just one lady.....we received so many new people to teacher.  There is her, her daughter, her son is too young, he is 4, there is her mother, one girl that is her neighbor, and the other her niece.  This was super awesome and an answer to our prayers.  We are really needing to find people to teach and have more lessons or this area has a possibility of closing.  We will work ourselves to death this week to improve and make sure this doesn't happen here. PRAYER IS THE KEY TO MIRACLES."

I know this to be true!  We have recently seen this in our own home this week!  We are truly blessed when we follow the teachings of our Savior.

This reminded me of another young missionary who lived in Lexington until a couple of years ago. When I think of mission miracles I think of the growth that takes place in these young men and women as they choose to serve the Lord full time.  I've been reading updates from Elder H since he began his service and have not only enjoyed his spiritual experiences but his realistic view of his circumstances and his great sense of humor.  MISSION MIRACLES!

this is a fun mission. meeting lots of great people out here and ignoring beware of dog signs (havent been bit once) people always look funny when their vicious pitbull is wagging its tail at my side when we are at the door. lots of interesting stuff here too. border patorl has been up and down the rio(river thats the border) catching the people and stuff . . . we have been finding alot of people to teach and help change and a few who are very promising. the goal is to picture them in the temple. because thats really what we are doing here. preparing people for the life to come. met a drug dealer the other day. and then we started teaching a runner (gets and takes drugs from the border and sells in the states)  he has baptismal date and is reading the book of mormon. its super cool to see the changes that we can make in peoples lives. just trying to cure mans worst enemy in our branch so we can become a ward. being flojo (lazy). its the worst thing ever and it ticks me off especially when their is work to be done so when i pray at night it always goes a bit like this. heavenly father please help these people just do what they are told and then i always hear elder h... please just do what your told. ITs always humbling. so yeah we got alot going for us and i know this is super cool. Got to love it.

(Elder Larry W. Gibbons, New Era February 2003)

"I once read a story about a man named Mr. Bogar and his experience with a giant wild turkey in 1925.

Mr. Bogar lived on a small farm in the Missouri foothills, and one year he decided to go turkey hunting on the day before Christmas. Now, it wasn’t any ordinary turkey he was after. He went looking for Foots, a legendary wild turkey who left enormous tracks and who was so wary that no one had ever gotten close enough to shoot him.
Setting out on the hunt, Mr. Bogar hadn’t gone far when he spotted gigantic turkey tracks in the freshly fallen snow. Only Foots could have left tracks that large, and Mr. Bogar began to follow them, higher and higher into the hills. There was no sign of Foots himself until Mr. Bogar was high up on a mountainside. Then he caught a glimpse of the giant bird.Slowly, carefully, Mr. Bogar stalked Foots until he was about 60 yards away. At that range, this marksman could hit anything with his single-shot .22 rifle. He fired, and Foots dropped and lay still. There was Christmas dinner, just waiting to be carried home.But, as Mr. Bogar approached the bird, it suddenly leaped up. The air was full of feathers and wings and squawks, and Foots soared out over the valley below. Mr. Bogar never saw the big turkey again.
The next summer, Mr. Bogar happened to be talking to a man who lived down in the valley and who was trying to raise a large family on a struggling farm with a few scrawny cattle. It was not an easy life, and the family didn’t have much. The man wore a coat with so many patches you couldn’t tell the original color.“Do believe in miracles?” the man asked Mr. Bogar.He then went on to tell Mr. Bogar about what happened the previous Christmas. Money was scarce, and it looked like Christmas dinner would consist of hominy corn and huckleberries. But as the man rode his old mare down to feed the cattle, a huge turkey crashed dead right in front of him. The man said he hadn’t been praying for a turkey, but maybe his wife had.Mr. Bogar never told the man about Foots, and the man never knew why a giant turkey had fallen out of the sky right at his feet.

Do you believe in miracles?  

Of course you do. You are familiar with this scripture: “And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles” (Morm. 9:19).

But do you believe in miracles in your own life? You should. There is no reason not to believe"

Stress makes you believe that
everything has to happen right now!

"You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  You are assigned to labor in the Europe Area.  Your primary assignment is to labor as an area mental health adviser.  It is anticipated that you will serve for  a period of 23 months."
These were the first words that I read when I opened the large envelope from Salt Lake City.  I then looked at the bottom of the letter and saw the signature:  Sincerely, Thomas S. Monson, President

I immediately went into stress mode - - believing that everything had to happen right away and that I needed to know every detail of - - EVERYTHING! Thus began three weeks of high anxiety because there is so much to know and so much to do and I don't know what I need to know and very little of what I need to do!  And the words "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date...no time to say hello/good-bye - I'm late, I'm late, I'm late"  kept going round and round in my mind.  I talked to family.  I talked to friends.  I talked to my counselor.  I e-mailed an office in Salt Lake.  I said prayers but forgot to listen because I fretted, I worried, I made lists and threw them away.   At some point last weekend  the words going round and round changed and I began hearing these instead:  "If by a still, small voice He calls me to paths that I do not know I'll answer dear Lord with my hand in thine I'll go where you want me to go.... I'll say what you want me to say... I'll be what you want me to be..."  Whew!  A sigh of relief and a change of attitude.

Mission update: "Learn of me...and ye shall find rest unto your souls." Matthew 11:29

I was called as Stake Camp Director in the spring.  It was a special gift from a loving Heavenly Father.  He knows me better than I know myself and after a 30 year hiatus I was blessed to serve with remarkably spiritual, creative, loving, intuitive Stake Young Women Presidency and other leaders clearly serving because they love Heavenly Father and love the young women.  Camp ended Saturday and if you want to know why I say it was the BEST GIRLS' CAMP EVER check out this slide show!

As I said, camp ended Saturday.  I was still waiting for a mission call we thought would have arrived sooner.  Again, God knows me so well.  I didn't need to be thinking about some of these things until camp was over, right?

On Monday I received an e-mail from President Jenkins (my stake president) sharing part of an e-mail from Salt Lake Mission office asking if I could afford a mission that would cost at least $500 more per month than our Ward Mission Fund and I are able to pay.  I immediately contacted my loving and kind bishop (Bishop Hjorth) who said that the Ward Mission Fund could assist somewhat more.  I then contacted my daughter-in-law who is spiritual AND practical.  We talked, Jason joined us when possible in the conversation via text due to work.  Some money will be freed up in a few months (most likely) but it is probably not the best decision to assume it will become available and I certainly don't know when.

So I have been praying silently and aloud since the e-mail arrived.  I have sent another one to President Jenkins with more questions.  I have gone to the Book of Mormon and have read remarkable words from King Benjamin about service.

In the meantime I have tried to think of a way to earn extra money while on a full time mission (just kidding - really!).   Then I saw this picture on Facebook:

Of course, as I study and pray I will find rest unto my soul.  The Lord will provide a way for me to go where He wants me to go.

And so it goes: another Mission Miracle is about to take place ... I'll keep you all posted.

Mission Miracle update:  President Jenkins clarified the cost of the mission which actually includes local travel and all personal expenses!  So I said to tell them "Yes".  Now waiting for a letter to tell me where and what I will be doing.  So blessed....

FAITH ENOUGH

I was reading the June 2014 issue of the Ensign which is a magazine published by my church - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  As I was leafing through the pages I stopped when I saw a poem entitled "Faith Enough."  It seems as if every day I am asking myself:  Do I have enough faith to . . . do whatever I am expected to do or required to do or called to do or want to do. . . Faith Enough just for today?

This poem speaks of the brother of Jared and Nephi - of Peter - and maybe Daniel - and of course the pioneers who followed a prophet to an unknown land.  Some of my ancestors were part of this group - people with names like William and Phoebe.

I think of Esther who had enough faith to go to the King and ask him to save her people because, as Mordecai said, "who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this."  And Esther did what she was asked to do with faith enough as she said "if I perish, I perish."  She didn't perish and her people were saved.  And Mary who said "Behold the handmaid of the Lord.  Be it unto me according to thy word."  and she became the mother of Jesus, the Savior of the world.

My mission application will be submitted to Salt Lake this week and then I will be waiting to hear where I will be called to serve.  When I do will I have faith enough...  the poem says that her story is still being written.   I guess mine is, too.   I have lived many chapters: as a child, as a wife, as a mother, grandmother, a widow, wife again, widow again and of course as a office worker, a college student, a social worker, a counselor, a college instructor and a youth leader at church, a teacher at church, girls' camp director.

This chapter is called retirement and I'm liking it.  I'm girls' camp director again.  And I'm going to serve a mission.  So I guess, as my story continues to be written, I find that I do have faith enough . . . at least for today.

Peace, Peace Be Still

The winds and the waves shall obey thy will: peace be still.
Whether the wrath of the storm-tossed sea or demons or men or whatever it be,

No water shall swallow the ship where lies the Master of ocean and earth and skies.

They all shall sweetly obey Thy will:  Peace, be still ... peace, be still.

They all shall sweetly obey Thy will: Peace, peace, be still."

Sometimes He calms the storm . . .

sometimes he lets the storm rage 

and calms the child.

This hymn, "Master the Tempest is Raging" (Mary Ann Baker & H. R. Palmer)  has always been a favorite of mine.  There is a power and majesty in the words and music as they build to the final words of the chorus:  peace be still, peace, peace, be still.  

Over the years there have been some very specific times that I have felt the peace as a storm has actually calmed.  One such experience was in Oklahoma.  I was the stake girls' camp director.  That year I was alone in my tent as the storm was raging.  And of course we were far away from what could be considered a safe place in the storm.  I can't remember how many girls were there but I can remember the horrible fear that I had as I considered my responsibility to see that they were safe from harm during this week.  What could I do?  It was out of my control - completely. At that moment, in the dark night during a horrible storm,  the Young Women theme for that year flashed into my mind:  2 Timothy 1:7:  "The Lord hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."    I calmed down and felt it - peace.   At the same time the storm calmed down and I heard it - peace.

A number of years later I was studying the life of Jesus Christ trying to understand why some people are miraculously healed and others are not.  My husband, Roger, was struggling with Huntington's Disease and I wanted him well.  He had always had such a strong faith and I was working on developing that kind of faith as well.  About once a month I made the five hour drive to the Atlanta LDS temple.  It was sort of a pilgrimage to prove how much I believed that there should be a miracle in this case and that Roger should be healed.  I can't remember exactly when I knew that wasn't going to happen.  What I can remember is at some point, while sitting in the temple, I felt it:  a warm, peaceful feeling.  I didn't hear the words spoken, but I heard them in my soul:  It is not expedient that I give you what you are asking for but I can comfort you and give you peace. And He did.

As my journey has continued I have found many times that I cried out in fear and desperation and feel somewhat like these words from the hymn:   "Master in anguish of spirit I bow in my grief today.  The depths of my sad heart are troubled O, waken and save, I pray...and I perish, I perish dear Master.  O hasten and take control."  There has never been a time He has not responded by giving me comfort and peace - if I was willing to accept it.

Here is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing this marvelous song.   Peace, peace be still.

"It's about the strivin' not the arrivin'! "

Today I completed my application to serve a full-time mission.  It was a long process and it is not over yet.  The Bishop has a part, the Stake President has a part, and then - the mission depart in Salt Lake City reviews everything to be certain all necessary information has been provided.  Whew!  So I will still be waiting for awhile but it feels good to have completed this part.  When I hit the submit button this popped up and I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry, sing, shout... so I did it all.

And then I remembered the words of a sweet sister in the Corbin, Kentucky Ward relief society last Sunday.  I can't remember the exact topic but she said from the back row:  "It's about the strivin' not the arrivin'!" She had a little southern drawl and her words were just right.

For an athlete - singer - dancer - any type of performer the arriving is wonderful but what's even more important is the striving which prepares a person to perform.  September is probably when I will be leaving for my mission.  Is that my arrival?  Or is it when I move to the apartment that will be mine while I serve?  Will it be my first Sacrament Meeting when I wear my missionary name tag?  Arriving can mean "whew, I'm done"  whereas striving goes on and on.  And each year I understand more that it is about the striving.

I am also reminded that for some of us striving means we have to stay busy doing good things.  Heavenly Father knows me very well.  I have been called as stake Camp Director and we will be camping the last week in June.  Perfect timing to keep my mind and time occupied while I wait to receive my call.  (Some of the adult leaders had a meeting last night - woah!  if camp is half as much fun as the meeting we will have the best time ever.)

I AM LOVEABLE & CAPABLE

 We are focusing on the young women values ofL

Divine Nature:  I have inherited divine qualities, which I will strive to develop. 

Individual Worth: I am of infinite worth with my own divine mission which I will strive to fulfill.

Good Works: I will help others and build the kingdom through righteous service.

So I will do what this sister said keep on striving.  Don't you think camp is the perfect place for that?

 AHHHH!  CAMP BLANTON - SEE YOU IN JUNE!

Sunday Will Come

President Henry B. Eyring is a counselor in the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  He recommended keeping a daily record of the little miracles that occur in our lives.  "Tonight, and tomorrow night," he suggested, "you might pray and ponder, asking the questions:

Did I see His hand in my life...? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him."

August 9 ,  2010:
Tanya's birthday - almost two years had passed since her death, approximately 18 months since my mother died, six months  since my second husband TC died.  My heart was literally broken as I went through the motions of my life:  working as a social worker at Hospice (great job and wonderful colleagues who are also friends!);  serving in the church as a teacher (so many wonderful members who are also friends); my own sisters and friends to talk to on the phone (when I answered it!) but I was not doing well.  Add to this my continued difficulty managing money magnified by the death of TC which increased my expenses dramatically and I was emotionally hiding from life.  So I went to talk to my bishop - who else, really, would be willing to listen to me and still treat me with love and respect.  Boosted by his words to me along with support from my home teachers I thought I would set a goal regarding my financial issues.  I didn't know what I planned to do but I knew that I needed a minimum of $500 a month to be able to meet my financial obligations.

That's when I began to recognize messages from God - just for me.

•  A colleague asked if I would co-teach at the KY NASW conference.  Sure - why not?

September 2010-May 2011:

• Same colleague found out that the University of KY College of Social Work needed adjunct instructors starting in January 2011.  I was hired.
• A group home where I had worked off  and on over the years needed someone to audit charts prior to the state audit.  I was asked and I accepted!
• Hospice sent me to a train the trainer class so that I became qualified to teach a continuing education class that all social work supervisors need every three years.
• I was then hired to teach four of these classes.

May 2011:

• Bilateral knee replacement surgery meant no extra work for a couple of months.  I will still short each month.    
• Surprised to discover that my short term disability (which I had been paying for eight years and never used) would begin sending checks after a few weeks IN ADDITION to my regular paycheck?  Really?  Some catch?  No!

It continues to fascinate me that as I recognized these messages from God for what they were I found my broken heart beginning to heal although I know that the holes left there by those who have died will never be completely filled.   I again began to feel the peace that I had struggled to find during the illness and following the death of my first husband Roger.

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday.   I want to share a link to a talk I first heard in October 2006.  It has never left my mind and often when I am feeling those emotions that take me in a direction that isn't healthy for me, I say these words out loud - SUNDAY WILL COME.